Fight

The fact of the matter is that life is just hard sometimes.
And it's easy to lose ourselves in the hardness of it.
In all the false starts and futile attempts.
In all the dreams still dreams.
But without dreams and hopes and inspiration, what is there left to strive for?

I get why it's easier -- safer perhaps -- to just accept defeat than to crash in continual disappointment.
But that's the tricky thing about life.
You just never know when something could change for the better.
When wounds could heal.
When you might catch a break.
Or achieve the most impossible dream.

So fight against the mundanity. Every day.
Fight against the hard to reconcile reality glaring in stark contrast against the entire universe you've dreamed up for yourself.
Fight against depression. Against anxiety. Against any and all voices that would seek to silence you, or to sentence you to a fate that was never ever intended to be yours.
Fight to hold on.
Just a little bit longer.
Knowing that, believing that, there is beauty to be found in all of it.

Remember

Remember who you are.
Remember how far you’ve come.
Remember the stars
In all their brilliance –
In their constant companionship
On the darkest, coldest midnights.
Remember the moon,
How it glows for you.
To guide you,
To remind you,
That light is always present, 
Even when you cannot see it.
Remember the sun –
How it rises every single day, 
Of every single month,
Of every single year.
How it rises with promise,
And hope, and warmth.
These are just a few
Of a million quiet reminders
That you are not alone in this universe.
That your path holds purpose.
That your story is a work of art,
Still unfolding, and evolving,
And becoming more and more beautiful,
So remember who you are.
Remember how far you’ve come –
And how far you’ve yet to go.

New Year

To be fearless is nothing at all. I think this past year taught me that fearlessness and boldness are two very different things. Boldness is not the absence of fear – but perseverance in spite of your fears. By all accounts, my successes at times could be considered by many as less than noteworthy. But this thing we call life was never about trophy or triumph. To be fearless requires nothing. To be bold requires everything. I’ve felt a little beaten down, a little wounded, a little tired. I’ve scolded myself for being too idealistic. For opening my heart. For holding onto dreams that drift further away with each passing year. But I’m still here. I’m still here. And that has to count for something. Perhaps it counts for a good many somethings. If our successes are not measured by what we can achieve but in our ability to give everything we’ve got, even on the days we’ve got very little to give, then I have succeeded far beyond my expectations. 

Outside my window, the tiniest flakes of snow swirl and dance. The earth is still. Covered in white. And all I know is that I’m still the girl who believes in possibilities. In beauty, and love, and breathtaking light. I’m still the girl who is so far from fearless but embraces boldness. What that will require of me I can’t know. Maybe this new year is my denouement, and the scenes of my story so far will finally make sense. Maybe not. But I can’t focus on that. All I have right now is this tiny fraction of time, this flicker, this hushed wind. And I’m not looking back. I’m not offering my best 9 moments, but rather I’m offering this one, solitary moment – and then I’m moving forward. Fearful, and hopeful, and fully alive.
 

Fierce

You are so much more
Than what you see,
Than what I see.

You are fierce.
You are a blazing, roaring fire
In a city of ashes,
Amidst a sea of flickering flames
Slowly surrendering to the shadows of night.

Refuse to let the wounds define you.
Refuse to let the wounded extinguish you.
Refuse to be tamed.
To dwindle down into a meagre, burnt-out coal.

Find a way to fuel your flame when no one else remembers to,
When no one else has the capacity to,
When your very being abandons you.

Because the world needs the light that burns within your soul.
The world needs the love that swells inside your bones.
The world needs you --
Your passion,
Your vision,
Your full and fathomless heart.

All Those Small Moments

I love this quote from the film We Bought A Zoo where the character Benjamin Mee says: “You know, sometimes all you need is twenty seconds of insane courage. Just literally twenty seconds of just embarrassing bravery. And I promise you, something great will come of it.” As with anything as unpredictable as life, I’ve had moments where I’ve been brave before, and the story didn’t pan out how I thought it would. It’s easy to recoil after those moments and vow to never let your idealist heart be so recklessly bold again. But every good story has those moments. Every good story requires those moments. So maybe, if you keep putting yourself out there, keep taking one small step at a time, you’ll look back one day and realize it was all those small moments – of defeat, and of triumph – that got you where you are.