Measuring Sticks

While it would be easy to look at the past year and judge what you have accomplished or what you have not accomplished — to hold a measuring stick to your life and see if you finally measure up, you would be doing a disservice to your story to do so.

The dreams and longings and desires in your heart will not cease to exist — and you will cycle through hope and despair more times than you'd like to in these seasons of waiting. But you can’t judge a year by its joys or by its accolades. Because it may be another year or another 10 before you can show us that beautiful thing, that beautiful achievement, that beautiful person, that beautiful dream.

Instead, take pride in the fact that you are still here. In your incredibly complicated journey. You are here. Still hoping and holding and fighting and breathing. Still loving. Still dreaming. Still taking chances. Despite time, setbacks, pain, grief, and disappointment — despite the stars not aligning and no so called happy ending in sight.

I hope you always remember these moments — even if better moments lie ahead. Even if you end up with a year where your heart is so full of happiness that it might actually burst at the weight of it. Even then — I hope you remember.

This was the time that you secretly shined. Even if no one else sees it or understands it but you. These years, these decades in the fire, these past and present lives, have all shaped you into who you are becoming and who you have always been meant to be.

The Sky After

Perhaps we’ve been fooled to believe the main events of our lives are the most spectacular.

So we hold our breath waiting,

And, once over, anxiously await the next.

And yet,

Isn’t there a quiet kind of beauty in all the moments surrounding

That inspires wonderment?

Like the sky

After her sun sets.

Best Nine

Sometimes the most profound moments of life are the ones that go unnoticed. While many reflect on the past year sharing their best “9” on social media, I wonder — perhaps our true, “best” moments are the ones that don’t garner likes or comments. Perhaps instead they fly under the radar — unchecked and unapplauded.

While the noteworthy moments — the big promotion at work, the engagement, the wedding, the pregnancy, the dream home, the dream career, the perfect family, the financial security — are worthy of joy and gratitude, not everyone ticks all the boxes at all the socially acceptable times. Not everyone gets recognition. Not everyone gets lucky.

What if this year you got separated? Got a divorce? Got cancer? Lost your job? Lost sight of your dreams? Went bankrupt? Gave up your home? Lost the love of your life? Are still waiting for the love of your life? Lost hope of having children? Lost confidence that you’re raising your children the best you know how? Lost a loved one? Lost the will to live?

As my friend with stage IV cancer told me recently, fuck the boxes. Because while the lovely milestones are worth celebrating, I would wager to say that our best moments are not in the pretty, shiny applaud-worthy events but rather in the waiting, in the pain, in the longing, in the questioning, in the loneliness, in the struggle, in the perseverance, in the quiet kind of bravery of putting one foot in front of the other each and every day — of being present, of being vulnerable, of being real.

We all deserve to see our dreams realized. Maybe this was that kind of year for you. And if so, hold on to that amazing high! Hold on to that joy! Consider yourself extraordinarily lucky. But if this wasn't your best year — if this wasn’t even your best decade — remember your worth. Remember your beauty. Remember your strength. Remember that it’s these moments — this season — that will shape your heart in ways that nothing else ever could. It’s these moments of your life that will help someone else navigate their own personal season of darkness — because you’ve already been there, and you understand, and you can walk with them. And that, my dear friend, is something worth celebrating.