Hold Tight

I feel a tiredness in my soul today. The world is just messy and sad and hard. Now more than ever we need to hold onto the people who truly see us in all shades of light, in all shades of night. People who we don’t have to question will be there when we need them the most. Not in theory or in well-intended clichés, but on the ground, in the trenches – with us. People who see our flaws and adore us despite those flaws. People who celebrate our uniqueness and hold a mirror to our souls when we start to doubt the value we bring to the world.

I want to be that person --- that fights like hell for you when you can’t see your way clear of the madness. That sees you, and knows you, and reminds you of the best version of yourself. And I want you to be that person for me. Because without love, without true, gritty connection, we are all just hollowed out beings walking through a wasteland without purpose and without hope. And this kind of existence was never our dream. It was never meant to be our future. So if you happen to find those few who defy this fate, hold tight – hold tight and never let go.

Imperfect Game-Changers

Let's be game changers -- a collective community who isn't afraid to do things differently. To show all sides, and not just the pretty, polished ones. We can say all we want is to be vulnerable and real, but unless we're willing to actually expose ourselves then these sentiments are just empty words in sermons or motivational speeches or on white computer screens. If we're going to impact one another, if we're going to heal our own hearts, if we're going to truly be in the trenches with the people in our lives, then it starts with showing our imperfect selves -- not just to our inner circles, but to the world.

If we only portray the image we feel others want to see, or others expect to see, we are missing out. We are missing out on embracing our own identities, and we are missing out on letting people know that they are not the only ones who struggle. That they don't have to be perfect. That they don't have to fit a mold. That they are not alone. 

If we only show our light, our triumphs, our perfectly prepared words, would people taken comfort in that? Or would they feel that no one understands, that no one gets it, that no one struggles or suffers as they do? If we censor our thoughts and stifle our stories, then we aren't being truthful. We aren't showing the full, un-edited picture. And it's truth that gives us freedom in a world chained by hypocrisy and lies. It's truth that moves people from the fringes as outcasts and lepers to a place of belonging. Truth, and love, and perhaps faith.

Real Friendships

I long for real friendships. The kind of friends that you can sit in silence with and not feel uncomfortable. The kind of friends you can argue in front of because you’re just an extended member of the family. The kind of friends you know the majority of the time are going to be up for one of your random adventures – even if that adventure could potentially result in jail time. The kind of friends you can just fall apart with and show up at their door looking like a batshit crazy person with mascara running down your face and they’re like, you know, it’s cool – let’s have wine and watch B-rated movies.

We have to find a way to be more connected – to work harder at reaching each other in an authentic, gritty, “I want to be in your life and I want you in mine” kind of way. We have to acknowledge our need for each other. We have to name it. We’re too afraid to ask for help. We’re too stubborn to admit we aren’t enough. But we can’t sustain life this way. And I don’t believe we were meant to.

Restlessness

Maybe restlessness is just who I am and who I’ll always be. I guess when it comes down to it, I just want to be somewhere that feels right – somewhere that feels like it could be home. When I think about that place, I imagine warmth. I imagine fireplaces and blankets on a bitter cold night.

I love my independence, but I've lived and traveled enough to know that it’s love – it’s people, connection, friendship – that ties you to a place. We all need someone. This is the human condition. As much as I acknowledge that part of my restlessness stems from wandering through life alone, it’s not something I can really control, or even want to. I am a searcher, yes; but I’m not only searching for someone, I'm searching for meaning, and beauty, and understanding.

So you see, choosing a place to belong isn’t so simple for someone like me. I don’t want to be put in a box. I need to be able to float around out there in the great unknown, like the restless soul that I am. I just need someone to throw me a line every now and then. To bring me back down to earth when my wandering heart needs rest. To offer me a net I can fall into when I need to come home. Wherever home is.